A term I use for Teenage moms, and that I am. Having
to grow up so fast and be practically a mom deserves the definition. Looking
back at that time of my life, I say it was a walk in the park compared to what
life had in store for me in the few years to come. Not saying being a mom at
18years and having to drop out of Varsity was any easy, but God just kept the
challenges coming. With my desire to have a Degree in Computers, I went back to
Varsity to pursue my dream. This time the drive was different because the main
aim was preparing for the future, my son’s future. Having another chance to go
back to Varsity was a way to redeem myself. It was an opportunity I could not
let it slide.
Leaving my son behind with my wonderful family was no
consolation; it was hard on me, on him and my family. I believe this was the
first of the valuable lessons of being a mom, having what we call [A]“Inimba”
in Xhosa. Being a young parent, made me see things differently, think
differently and do act differently. I had to look at the bigger picture, and
hold all the emotions I had inside. The scrutiny of being a young, single mom
didn’t make my social life any easy, I found myself having to explain myself
every time I made a new friend. I’ve had old people ‘woman especially’ judging
me without even knowing me. With time things seemed better, I’ve made great
friends and a wonderful man who loved my being without any critics.
I had become very in touch with my spiritual side and
learned a lot about life, love, and God. As my spiritual journey progressed, I
searched within myself and learned that I was angry, angry with the way things
happened, the way my past influenced the way I did things. My parents divorce
affected me more than I lead on. I was saddened by their divorce but grateful
that at least I had a memory of my fathers love. What really made me sad and
angry at the same time was that Khanyisa (My son) did not have what I had
growing up, a mom and a dad. I somewhat turned the anger within, blaming myself
for putting him through such emotions of not having a father around. Upset
because it seemed like I’ve set a boundary on my son’s happiness, I felt like
my stupid-ness and naïve-ness will later cause my son’s unhappiness and him feeling
neglected by his father, but with all those emotions never have I regretted
having him in life.
The turning point of my life was when I realised
that, I did the best of the situation and that I was strong enough to take care
of my son without his father. Just to think he is three yrs older than me but still
needs to grow up, I couldn’t wait for that. He had a choice to be a father to
my son but he took the shot route and ran. After I graduated, there was a
little weight off my back, and had to start learning to be a mom again. I
watched Special Assignment episode about Sugar Daddy’s and one on illegal
abortions and felt very sad about what I learned about the youth of today and
the pressures they are exposed to each and everyday. With such high percentages
of HIV infections in their age groups, the people who should be helping and
educating them are adding on the problem, having old married men who have their
own children, playing these young women for their own selfish needs.
I think there is still a huge need for educating the
youth, show them the consequences of their actions. Teach them about
independence and the importance of education. With all the lessons given unto
them, a seed planted in one or two young person will make a huge difference in
the future. Some may come out stronger from their experience, but some may not
have enough support to overcome such experiences. I feel like going out there and change the way
some young people think, and instead of our older generation’s criticising them,
rather assist, teach a child as you would teach your own. Give back to society
by giving a voice, a voice of encouragement, a voice of support, love and
understanding. Spreading the spirit of [B]Ubuntu,
and be a parent to someone else’s child.
My wish is to teach the younger ‘Micro –Oven Moms’ out
there not to give up on their dreams. Turn whatever bad situations to good, and
make themselves and their kids proud. Never let any obstacles hinder you from
reaching your dreams. I look at myself in the mirror and love the person who is
looking back. At 25 years, I’m responsible for a 6 year old boy and somewhat doing
better than I ever expected. He’s happy and well taken care of, and that is all
that matters to me at the moment. More troubles are yet to come, but I know
I’ll overcome them. With God by my side, I won’t go wrong. Although I still get
funny looks when attending parents meetings at school, that doesn’t bother me
anymore, I’m an young independent woman and I’m proud of myself because I can
provide for him, I’ve changed my situation for the better and a good mother to
my son.
Zinzi Jezile
30 July 2008
